Monday, November 8, 2010

A romance to rival Romeo and Juliet's sordid affair.

This is the typical age old story of romance.

So women have this fantasy notion in their heads that when they give their heart away, its a beautiful and tender moment, kind of like the one depicted in the following drawing

The woman's eyes grow large with anticipation of reciprocated sentiments of love....

The man grows bored, and wary... simultaneously. He can probably sense the shift in tensions in the air, he is also probably preparing to run, like any smart human being would do.

The actual giving of one's heart is a truly messy affair. Seriously, its utterly abhorrent, its no wonder that so many attempted relationships end in failure. like this sad story that is about to unfold...

previously, we had the romanticized version of heart giving, this is the realistic interpretation, complete with blood spewage and pulsation.

Men, have no comprehension of what you have given them. they are horrified by the living, pulsating thing you have handed them that spews life-juice. Perhaps you should have started off with something subtle, like bugs, and dirt before you got to the really messy things. Women, you have to be plotters~ we all know that love is about secret combinations and tricking our significant others. This poor man has been scarred for life.

Meanwhile, as the man's poor strained brain is short circuiting, all the woman see's is love in the form of rainbows, and unicorns, and flowers, and giant floating hearts above her head. Her smile basically consumes her face as she waits for her man to accept her humble gift, of her ripped out, still beating heart.

But then, the unthinkable happens. Due to the fact that the man's brain short-circuited, he reverted to his caveman~esque ways. With a roar, and an over-exaggerated display of hostility and distaste, he rejects the maiden's heart...

Realization has not quite struck yet, and the woman is caught in an over-analytical state that will not stop the unavoidable conclusion

Gone are the rainbows, the magical floating hearts, the mythical creatures, and the desired feelings of being accepted and cared for....

This is Jill. Jill tried to follow her heart, but alas, her heart was navigationally challenged and did not possess a GPS. Do not be like Jill, unless you wish to binge on Ben and Jerry's and become gargantuan.

The moral of this story, is to emotionally invest in a dog, or a fish, or some other life form that is depended on you for food and shelter and also lacks the capacity to talk back or throw things (like your heart).

this draft is unfinished. I just know that some of you were getting your panties in a knot because you wanted to see it right now. I then reminded you that patience was a virtue, but I was wrong~ I guess it is only a myth. anyways, here are your tasty morsels for the evening.