Friday, October 22, 2010

Some Philosophies on Life

Another day has passed. La- de-freaking-dah. was anyone else disappointed with how mundane their existence truly is? I mean seriously. I wake up, try to eat my freaking eggo but I have to fight off ninjas the whole time, I'm all like "leggo my eggo!!" and they are just screaming at me in their crazy sing song language, then I have to saddle my elephant so I can go to school but he always just wants to play fetch, then my boyfriend Moroni (that's Captain Moroni to you) just wants me to go and be translated, but I ain't got time to be twinkled~ I am in organic chemistry, afterall. Then after lunch I'm with FBI operatives all day and then I finally get to go home to my secret lair I bought from Batman.... *

*events in this story may be grossly exaggerated and/or entirely fictional.

Actually, I don't eat breakfast, ninjas avoid me like the plague, I don't have an elephant- I only have a bike- I am very, very single... No one meets with me after lunch, and I don't have a secret lair, I only have a ghetto fabulous apartment. I do however, have organic chemistry.

oh organic chemistry... I just had my second midterm at 7:30 on Monday morning, thats right, as in AM.I secretly enjoyed it~ I think I may need to check myself into a mental institution immediately. there is no way a sane individual would like her midterm.I guess I just like to destroy all things normal.Speaking of how much I love science, I found this delightful picture of Einstein for you. I'm in love. my favorite part (besides that big beautiful exterior, mind you) is the E=mc^2 tattoo. meeeeeeeeoooooooow.I cannot even tell you how greatly my heart delights in books of scientific theory and interactive periodic tables.

Something horrific happened to me on Sunday. Someone from school did not recognize me at church. I mean okay.... I understand that I am not portrayed in the best light in the school setting, but do you have class at 7:30 in the morning? are you taking 18 credit hours? do you not care about your external appearance? do you like to sleep in during the time that normal girls alot to beautifying their exterior beyond recognition? if you answered yes to all these questions, then your name might be Kylie.

I have a theory as to why I am unrecognizable. it goes kind of like this: On Sunday, I am magically altered, as in, the molecular integrity of my being becomes exalted. Photons of light literally aspire to be like me, and so, they embrace me and that is how I exude light and a heavenly glow.


by Monday, these photons are so exhausted from trying to be like me that they demand the day off and therefor, I lose my glow and my true, unadorned form is revealed. Then I go to organic chemistry at 7:30 in the morning, and I die a spiritual death so that the photons flee from my presence and in my lost and degraded state, I look like this. eff you organic chemistry.
(please refer to picture below)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the way the dating game should be.

I've made an executive decision. All dating should be professional, and run like any efficient business. you are correct, from now on, I will be using an application/interview method. Imagine if you had your suitors fill out an application (with a current, color photo of themselves included) that answered all the necessary questions. Then, you could hold an interview to smooth over some ambiguous answers, or help you pick between those few that seem to be on equal ground

the positives? everything is positive.
the negatives? there are no negatives, except for the fact that this procedure completely destroys the sweet stage of getting to know someone when you first start dating and it eliminates the adorable awkwardness.

it would look something like this:

favorite color:
favorite animal:
do you like ketchup?
are you left handed?
do you think it is socially acceptable to dress up like elves and hunt for orcs in the wash?
my best trait?
your best trait?
return missionary? (if you are not, do not even bother submitting an application)*
worthy priesthood holder?*
temple recommend holder?*
do you like pancakes?
favorite food?
list of top ten talents?
what is your relationship like with your family?
do you like animals?
mayonnaise or miracle whip?
can you handle extreme mud football, wrestling, and cuddling?
do you like fart jokes?

of course this is just a sample. and a photo would need to be included, applications without photos will be discarded without review. Yes, I will be looking at your photo when you are under consideration. No ugly people are allowed to submit applications. lets face it, I have excellent bone structure, and we can't let that go to waste. also, eternity is a long time. I want to like what I'm looking at. shallow? yes. honest? yes. lovable? undecided.

your chances of being selected increase significantly if your picture captures you in a state of utter manliness. this is where the featured picture above comes into play. it is an example of a potential suitor picture. he is choking a bear with his man hands while simultaneously smiling and looking very hot.